Changes, unknowns, fears...

I originally got on to post about our Disneyland adventure (I know what you're thinking...*gag* the Butlers on another stinking vacation/traveling...yea, I get it...I'd be gagging too.) However, my heart is being pulled to share and the Spirit works in mysterious ways...So I guess I should go with it.

Not knowing really where to start so I'll just start out with how we ended up in Salt Lake in the first place. Brett was offered a position with the company he was working for in Boise, ID. The job was supposed to be somewhat temporary, a 2-3 year gig in Salt Lake (we'll hit 2 years in April).  We thought "hey Salt Lake sounds fun to explore for a couple years, this will be a great experience for Brett's career. The kids are young and we can be back before Micah starts Kindergarten". (and let me just add that even this is a work of the Lord b/c I HATE change. I lived in the same house for 20 years, went to the same church for 20 years, attended the same Christian school my whole childhood...seriously I don't do well with changes...I don't think I ever will).

 Well, shortly after we had already made the move to SLC Brett's company got bought out and our ticket back home was no more. There for a while we were uncertain if he would even have a job. Thankfully the Lord continued to provide. He's still with the company that bought out Boise Inc. His role has changed tremendously requiring him to be on the road way more than expected or desired (a week here, a week gone). They are helping him pursue his masters degree, starting in January, which will lock him in with the company for at least an additional 3 years. Funny, if I knew all this would be taking place I would have definitely NOT made the move. Having a hubby on the road most of the time and living in a new city with not many connections isn't exactly what I signed up for...especially long term. (Praise the Lord for Brett's sister and family here.)

Boise is kind of our safe place, we were surrounded with a group of friends in the exact same stages of life. We consider them more family then anything. Our church was a perfect fit with an awesome church body and preaching. My in-laws were there and very hands on with our boys and there to lend a helping hand at the drop of a hat. We were in a house that I considered my "forever" home. Everything about it was SAFE and I loved my little bubble. 

As many of you know our new area is ummm well, extremely LDS. You feel very isolated in the neighborhood. At Micah's preschool most everyone knows each other and attends the same ward. I've heard horror stories of Christians raising their kids here in public schools and them being totally isolated or absolutely rebelling so bad they made the choice to move out of state. You feel this dark presence here. I can't explain it, but it is just dark. I'd be lying if I said the future didn't scare me. I know we are here for a reason, and God keeps opening more and doors for us to stay and closing doors for us to move back. I have been homesick and dream about being back in our old home and lifestyle. However I feel like God is saying "Nope, sorry this is where I am calling you to be and you need to trust  me. Stop fighting it".

  I love to be in control. I love to have a plan. I want to know exactly what the next year or two look like..heck I would take the next 3 months (who wouldn't?). Our lease is up in May and we are looking for a more *gulp* permanent place to live (aka buying a house). I probably haven't been the most pleasant person to be house hunting with b/c to me buying is saying "we're here for the long haul" (AHHH!), but Brett has been very patient with me and through this entire thing we have become more and more bonded and Christ has been more of the focus.

Today at church we were reminded to choose joy and THANKFULNESS no matter what your circumstance. We have found an amazing church that has been nothing but supportive and throws truth down our throats every Sunday. Matt (our preacher) has such a heart for God's word and His people. Elevation church has been my saving grace. Encouraging me to break the chains of religion that I'm so easily bound to - always trying to 'earn' or somehow trapped in the way of thinking it's up to my works that saves me. Praise Jesus he has already covered my sins with his precious blood that was shed for ME. I will continue to give praise to my Savior for his provision for my family and our future. It's so easy for me to worry and fret about the unknown. What I do know is God has already placed people in my life here in Utah that I've had instant connections with and they need the Lord. We are in a huge spiritual battlefield and my prayer is that I can be a light and love them in such a way they fill the love of Christ through me. 

I feel like the Lord has lit a fire in me and I need to run with it. No fear. All in. I've been pretty shy when it comes to sharing my faith..in fear of ruining friendships, being misunderstood, saying the wrong thing. Being taken out of my bubble has and will continue to be a blessing in life. I shouldn't feel comfortable down here on earth. This is not where we were meant to live.. it's taken away the false security the world has to offer and has made me more firm in my faith proving once again my only security is Jesus himself and only the hope he has to offer. I've been clinging to the the words of this song for the past couples months. 

 You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown, where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep, my faith will stand

 And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours, and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed, and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours, and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

I will call upon Your name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours, and You are mine

Praying I will be completely moldable and I can say without fear "HERE I AM...USE ME!!" Gearing up for the Holidays may you feel His love and presence in your life. If you're reading this and this is the first time you've heard me mention Jesus to you and His love for you. Forgive me. I haven't been a real friend and I'd love to share more with you.